Crouching Tiger, Hidden Street

Hello all! As many of you know by now I’m half way across the world in China. I spent my first week in Beijing and now I’m in Shanghai where I will be for the remaining months. Although I just arrived in Shanghai I have copious stories to tell you about my Beijing adventures.

The flight over to China was long and acted as a wake up call. I got to the terminal and began meeting students who traveled all over the country to fly on the group flight. I instantly realized that the program was divided into two groups, Cheng du and Shanghai. A majority of the kids on the group flight were going to Cheng du but everyone was going to the Beijing Tour. Although all the kids were scattered on the flight it was exciting to meet everyone. I got on the plane and was excited to begin my Chinese adventure. After hour 9 I started to think about what I was getting myself into. I looked up at the screen where there was a map of the world and a little plane symbol, which indicated we were near China. I watched the plane trot across the dotted line on the dull lit screen and the feeling of anxiety surfaced as I thought about everything I was leaving behind. I started to feel lost in every definition of the word. My Ipod was on shuffle and the song “we no speak Americano” came on which acted as a gentile reminder that I’m about to enter a country that doesn’t speak the language I do.


The first day:
To start the tour of Beijing off we spent the morning of our first day at Tian’anmen Square and the Forbidden City. Tian’anmen square was less exciting then I hoped, just a lot of people and construction. The Forbidden City on the other hand was like nothing I’ve seen before. The sheer colossal size of the palace shocked me. We walked into the first courtyard, which could have easily been the location of the Super bowl. The edges are surrounded by walkways and places to sit; the doors are red, wooden, and monumental. From the courtyard you could go left or right or straight. We explored the sides first before moving onward. As we strolled through the left gate we came about a stray cat that wanted a friend. It followed us for the majority of the day but was kicked out of the wall painting room as we walked in. Needless to say we explored every nook and cranny and then continued forward to the next courtyard. The second was bigger than the first and we haven’t even entered the inner city. Anyways, the Forbidden City is filled with interesting sculptures, trees, and rocks, all which were amply photographed. Right outside the gates to enter and exit vendors line the streets selling anything you need, and everything you don’t need. Because the tap water here to dirty, bottled water is sold everywhere for 2-3RNB (50 cents American). Next we went to the Temple of Heaven, which was not comparable to the Forbidden City, but it was beautiful nonetheless. The temple was used by the emperor and empress to pray for a good year and harvest. They prayed through sacrificial ceremonies. By this point everyone was hot and tired but we refueled and traveled to the Pearl Market.
Everyone knows how persistent a car salesman is, they do not compare to the vendors at Pearl market. You want to know why China is the 2nd in the world economy? They have the best sales tactics. As you walk down the endless rows of useless consumer goods the woman spit out every English word they know to catch your attention and then they grab your arm and pull you into their store. You can’t even stop to look at a product because 3 sales woman will surround you and harass you. When you do stop to buy something the experience is long and drawn out. I needed a dress belt so I shopped around and found one I needed. Initially 780RNB (roughly 115USD) I persisted on paying no more than 50RNB (7.5USD) They type numbers into a calculator and claim “special price for you” then you retaliate and hit them with a low ball number, I started at 30RNB and she thought I was joking. As this game goes back and forth they knock off 100RNB by every 30 seconds you spend with them. When I got her down to 100 I persisted to only pay 50. At that point she reduces the price in increments of 5RNB. I just walked away and then she chased after me and said “okay okay 50 50.” I got a real leather, fake Armani belt for 7.5USD, I love China.

The Forbidden City

Day Two:
The night before we all went out as a giant group of 30 kids to a western bar around the corner of our hotel. In this place, which we later realized was the front of a hostel, they serve 3L of beer in a tube for 45RNB (7 USD). The DJ played American hits and we were the life of the party there. Next to us in the bar was a group of adults from Holand. As the YMCA came out of the stereo everyone in our group got on the tables and started singing loudly. The Holand people watched, and copied, soon we had everyone in the place doing the YMCA. During our flash mob, a crowd of 20 Chinese people outside watching us make a fool of ourselves. Epic night.
That morning we had to wake up at the ungodly hour of 830 to depart for the Great Wall of China. You can imagine everyone on the bus moaning and groaning for 2 hours. If you were wondering why nobody messes with the Chinese, it is because climbing the great wall is a strenuous task, especially if you had to carry weapons and armor. The portion of the wall we traveled to and ascended was in a mountainous region. None of the steps are the same size and the travel up to the top is literally vertical. I’m surprised at how many people made it to the top, a majority of the public got up the first 20 steps and stopped at the first barracks. The view from the top was unrivaled. The show the Biggest Loser should shoot its next episode at the Great Wall. I’m sure if anybody did that climb everyday they would have a rock hard ass.

You’re probably wondering why the title of this entry starts with “Crouching Tiger”. The Chinese people sit, wait, and hang out, by crouching. It’s incredible how low they can go without touching the ground or falling over. They start at a young age and develop their skills as they grow older. It took me only until my first visit to the hotel’s bathroom to figure out why they crouch that way. The bathrooms are literally holes in the ground surrounded by porcelain in which one would crouch and shit into. Because I’m here to assimilate into the culture and learn the Chinese way I will have you know I have begun my practice in the art of the Crouching Tiger. And No, I haven’t used a squatty potty yet, I’m sticking to the western tradition and using a normal toilet (which exist in very few places but you can always rely on up scale hotels!).
That night we went to the theater to watch an Acrobatic show. Circus de Soil has nothing on these Chinese teenagers. If anything they recruit solely from China. For 2 hours they hopped, swung, jumped, dove, balanced, spun, ran, and flew. I’ve never seen anything like it. There was one scene where a man balanced on something that resembled an Indo board. Then two girls climbed on top of him like they were climbing a tree and then balanced a table on their shoulders. Then a second man climbed up the human tower and balanced another indo board on the table. Then he flipped bowls on to his head 1, 2, and 3 at a time. Needless to say it was unreal.

Day Three:
Day three we went to a place called Summer Palace where the emperor would watch operas and walk through gardens. For those of you who have been to Barcelona and more specifically Park Guell, you would appreciate this place. Half of it is filled with huge temples and stages and the other half is a giant park and pathway where people hang out, eat, and relax. From the top terrace, the view overlooks a giant lake filled with boats as far as the you can see. I realized this is what I want my Summer palace to look like. This place was full of nature, water, and people. Everywhere we go is full of people. The subways are packed to the brim, the streets are unwalkable, and the restaurants are filled with noodle suckling people.
After the summer palace we went to the Silk Market which was similar to the Pearl Market except the vendors are more aggressive and you can literally get lost in this 5 story mega mall. Starting on the basement level the sellers are comparable to the ones at the Pearl Market, the occasional grab and shot of Enlgish words but nothing serious. As you travel up each level the salesmanship and aggressiveness increase. The silk market is known for its quality silk products and custom tailoring suits. This one lady wouldn’t let one of the kids go until he bought something, that was only on floor 3. Although everything is fake, the Chinese put in a surprisingly amount of time in their fake products. I bargained for a Bell & Ross watch that only ran me 15USD. Haggling is part of the culture here; if you pay full price for anything you’re an ignorant, white sucker.

Day Four:
Day four was a free day. It was nice to sleep in for once but we still got up relatively early to go explore the city. There is so much to see in Beijing it would take a year to really figure out where you’re going and what there is to offer. We started the day at a hole in the wall massage place. This place has three chairs and 4 hard working people. I know what you’re thinking right now, and no, we did not get happy endings…we are saving that for shanghai ;) . For 35RNB (roughly 5USD) I received celestial pleasure in the form of a foot massage. After walking around all week a 1 hour foot rub was the perfect way to alleviate the pain. We then navigated the subway system to a walking street in Beijing. It was nice to not have to deal with traffic because cars don’t car about pedestrians here, they will run you over. The street was incredibly long and filled with endless stores with bustling music. We dipped into the mall adjacent to the street to get out of the heat. I know that the Mall of America is huge and has a rollercoaster in it but this mall was the biggest thing I’ve ever seen. It was like a 3D version of shoots and ladders. Escalators starting from the bottom floor reaching to the ceiling and then ones that stretched two floors. It was a game to get up one floor. The language barrier is more difficult than I thought it would be. As we tried to find lunch we got yelled at in Chinese and pushed around. Ultimately we gave up trying to eat in the mall and traversed to the street market next to the walking street.
When I say street market I really mean Insect Market. Yea that’s right INSECT. Today I ate Scorpion, gecko, tarantula, and centipede all on a stick. And then chased it with a fried banana Ahh nom nom nom. We were there on a mission to put Andrew Zimmerman out of business. Surprisingly they all tasted the same, salty, crunchy, and disgusting. The people I was with also ate the delicacy known as cockroach. I refused to eat it and for a good reason, they spit that shit out after the first crunch. It was quite an experience to say the least. When we would buy one of the insects (which we could haggle for, they wanted to charge 50 for the tarantula but we got it for 10), a crowd would gather around and scream and watch while we ate the things. In my opinion, they should pay us for eating those insects but I guess it is a delicacy here. Because the small insects didn’t fill us eat we ate some corn and coconut milk which we found for really cheap in the street market.

Since we haven’t started classes yet and I’m noob to mandarin ive been doing my best to ask around and learn a couple of useful phrases. Once I start classes I will have a better understanding of the language and will hopefully be able to use it everyday.



Chinese Phrase of the week:
“Qing gae wo, yi ping pijiu”
Translation: Please give me one bottle of beer